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Moving Windmills: The William Kamkwamba story

How to Defuse an Argument

from wikiHow

There is one thing that the majority of us are guilty of, however mild-mannered we are! At some point, most of us have been involved in a flaming row over something or other, and which in retrospect was about something rather unimportant. So, what can we do to defuse an argument, and cool down the anger or frustration in a tense situation? Most importantly, do everything you can to try to avoid the argument in the first place - since most arguments usually don't accomplish anything, and at the end, both parties usually walk away not only upset or angry, but also more convinced of their original point. If an argument is unavoidable however, here are a few simple steps to help!

Steps

1. Try to calm down. Take a deep breath. Count to 10, or 100, if it helps.
   
2. Agree. The quickest way to end any argument is just to simply agree with the other person. If you agree with them, there's no longer any reason to argue and it's over. Even if you don't really agree, just saying so will end most arguments. While this really is lying in its worse fashion, it is at the least, an option.
   
3. Be considerate of the other person. Listen to what the other person is saying, genuinely try to understand their point of view, and do not interrupt them while they are speaking.
   
4. Think before you speak, and consider whether it is something you might regret having said tomorrow! Don't say something stupid or mean just because you are angry and upset.
   
5. Let the other person know that you consider what they say to be important, and that you will treat them with respect whether or not you agree or disagree with them.
   
6. Do not scream at the other person, or speak abusively. Be kind even while you differ, and be willing to be reconciled to them (whether or not you reach an agreement in your argument).
   
7. Remember, the most important thing is not always the specific outcome of the argument, but rather the impact the argument has on your relationship with the other person. It may sometimes be better to forgo the outcome you want, let the other person win and keep the quality of friendship in your relationship.
   
8. Apologize if you have done anything wrong (even if it was only a bad attitude). The other person will be more motivated to apologize if you do.
   
9. If you have done all this and have failed to defuse the argument, walk away for the time being and allow the other person (and yourself) to cool off. The next day, when they have had time to think about the situation , they may change their mind and decide to make up with you!
   
10. If all this doesn't work, however, recognize that some people will not be reasonable or want to make up with you, no matter what you do. In such a case, just drop the matter and go on with your life. It's not important.
    
11. If its an arguement with a friend / family member, Try to tell them to truth,
    

In a high tone. If they dont listen, Just get the hell out of there and wait it out.

Tips

• Try to understand the other person's viewpoint, and think before you speak.
  
• Speaking thoughtlessly can really hurt a person, even if that was not your intention. Speaking reasonably and sensibly, on the other hand, can help the other person to calm down too.
  
• Using the following phrase will stop any person who is arguing with you in their tracks, say it exactly as it is written: "I understand your opinion, and if I were in your place, I would probably feel the same way you do."
  

Warnings

• Some people may just want to pick a fight with someone, or engage in an argument. Recognize when this is the case, and walk away.
  
• Don't be judgemental when engaging in a discussion with someone. Be open-minded and willing to change if necessary.
  
• Don't belittle the other person, or ridicule what they say. Mockery isn't constructive, as they will simply resort to using the same kind of verbal weapons against you!
  
• Don't ever say "Oh, but you are perfect."
  

Things You'll Need

• A cool temper, or something to cool it with (i.e. deep breaths, counting, etc)
  
• A brain
  
• Tact
  
• Love (or some other motive)